Cat vs Tough Mudder, the prelude

If you want to know my initial feelings about the Tough Mudder I think they can be nicely described in two letters: F. U.

I have never done the Tough Mudder (I have done other obstacle course races) and honestly, I really don't have much desire to. However, when I heard there was a "Boston" one coming to town and my company was making a team, I decided to give it a try.

I will save all final judgement until after I actually do a race but as of right now I hate it.

First of all I always thought I was pretty decent at geography, but I never knew Gunstock Mountain in New Hampshire was considered Boston. My bad.

Besides that little two and a half hour drive time, NH tolls hiccup, I decided to try and find out more about this race and why people decide to race it. I thought the best place to learn about the race would be on its "About" section on their website.

Here is what I found:

It starts with:



Cool! Sounds good to me...

And then it just goes downhill...

Ummm.....see where I got the F U from?

Pretty damn hypocritical to talk about COST of a race when the Tough Mudder is no cheap race. $171.40 is the total I had to pay for this geographically deceitful race. That is more expensive than my Olympic Distance Triathlon last year and almost as expensive as a half Ironman. You leave marathons alone Tough Mudder!

And about my knees...excuse me, I didn't realize obstacle courses are good for your knees, I better not tape mine up then!

O and I don't need any "time" to train for a Tough Mudder? Then why do you have training plans on your site that each require workouts several times a week?

Don't you keep lying to me Tough Mudder!

Moving on...

WHAT IS YOUR F'N PROBLEM WITH RUNNING TOUGH MUDDER? Now you are picking on Triathlons? You leave Triathlons alone! I am more stressed about your stupid electrocution at the end of the race and hurting myself than I am about my Escape the Cape Triathlon next weekend. I bet just as many people take the Tough Mudder seriously (you know the kind of people that I'm talking about) as do Triathlons. I bet there are plenty of people who think Triathlons are not lame.

I like beer. I like to laugh. I like music. I guess got me there? But...Tough Mudder, you do realize these things also all exist at Marathons and Triathlons...right? You aren't the first race to offer beer. Some races even offer FREE UNLIMITED (until the kegs are kicked) beer to finishers. Wow those Triathlons race organizers, they sure do not know how to have a good time...



I don't have as many issues with this fact as I do the other ones. Camaraderie is absolutely NOT a Tough Mudder exclusive feeling though...

I guess I just don't understand why the Tough Mudder has to be such a hardo about other kinds of races? Did they fail at running marathons in their past? Did the Triathlon team nickname them fartlek? DO YOU JUST NEED A HUG AND WANT TO BE ACCEPTED TOUGH MUDDER?

But Cat, no one is making you do the Tough Mudder. You're right, I signed up for it all on my own (well I guess there was some co worker peer pressure). Like I stated above, I will wait until I actually COMPLETE the race before passing final judgement and I will admit if I was wrong and if my feelings towards the race have changed. I just wanted to do my pre-race due diligence and report my findings. I will say, I really hope I am all wrong about this race and end up enjoying it.

Basically, Tough Mudder, you sure know how to initially rub a badtriathlete the wrong way. Let's hope you are better in person than you are on paper.

However, I do think the Tough Mudder has good customer service. So at least they have that going for them, I guess?

All I'm saying is that, my body better be intact and my hair better not be permanently stand on its ends when I write my post-race entry....

When I'm stressed or having a bad day, I google pics Mini Australian Shepards. Best way to calm down after that rant...

 ALL BETTER! :)

-cat

Happy 1st Birthday Blog!

Yes, yes it's true. The first post on imabadtriathlete was one year ago today!!! I know it seems impossible that an entire year (and what a year it was) has flown by.

First, I want to thank all my followers and readers. I never thought this blog would be as popular and read as it has been and I think it is just awesome! You all are the best :)

Secondly, I would like to annouce a very special badtriathlete surprise....

SO many of you have asked for this and I needed to get my blog something of its bday so....

Welcome to twitter imabadtriathlete!

https://twitter.com/Imbadtriathlete

Yes, I'm very aware I am missing an "a" in the name...but I ran out of characters. Oops!

I also found a pretty perfect profile pic for it:

Excellent! And (unlike my other twitter page) this one will be public and more of a forum for my training updates and blog entries. Especially now that I'm training for the half Ironman-Timberman, and picked up a coach...tweets should get pretty interesting-EEP!

Now onto a very special post I've been meaning to write. The whole reason behind the "bad" triathlete name on the blog :)

If you look at my finishing stats (or even just the pic above) you can see I'm not so great at athletic endeavors. I'm pretty decent, I have gotten faster, stronger, more endurance and have taken on longer distance events but you won't see me on that winner podium. And that's ok.

In our adult lives I feel like it is very important to keep challenging yourself to try new things. In other words, I feel like it is good to be bad at things. After college we are no longer required to take any "general-ed classes" or be forced to take that music class even though we are tone deaf. We are able to select (for the most part) careers and activities we excel in and choose to only participate in those endeavors. Unfortunately, I believe only choosing those activities will causes us to feel flat.

In my opinion, the best feeling of achievement is when you work so hard at something, struggle and then finally achieve what you set out to do. Everyday we perform tasks that we know how to do in our sleep. When we submit the final results for these tasks, even if they are perfectly done, it doesn't feel as good as the time when you were running a race, barely able to breathe thinking the end will never come, and then some how you were able to push yourself so hard to finish.  Let's be honest, when you struggle that much in a race, you probably aren't "good', you probably didn't win and hundreds (maybe even thousands) of people finished ahead of you. That's not the point though. The point is that you pushed yourself out of your comfort zone and tried something you weren't so sure you could do. You pushed yourself so hard to do something you are bad at.

So yes, this blog is meant to be lighthearted. I write about my partying endeavors, overall triathlon/running failures, pond monster nightmares that keep me up all night, but at the end of the day, I'm doing triathlons. I'm pushing myself to achieve in an area that I didn't just wake up and succeed at. I suck at swimming but I still throw myself in Walden Pond knowing that I'm getting better little by little. (I'm even having less swimming nightmares!) You can too. Don't be afraid to be bad at things. You will find the greatest feeling of accomplishment when you do what you are bad at.

In fact, the activity you should probably be doing right now is the one that you think you can't. 

xoxo
Bad one year old tweeting triathlete

Left on Hereford

I know it's been a bit since the terrible events that occurred at the finish line of the Boston Marathon. I also know I haven't made any lengthy posts about it or told my story of the day. The truth is, I've just been not ok. Like most, I had a really hard time talking or thinking about it. I'm still being woken up in the middle of the night by nightmares.

But, I am slowly getting better. Last night I finally went through the 30 "Are you ok?" text messages  I still hadn't opened from that day and I realized that writing my story down is an important step to feeling better. I also know this event is going to be a large event in Boston's history so I would like to keep my account of the day somewhere and what better place than here :)

I apologize for the length and how heavy it gets at times, I just wanted my timeline of events to be written down.

Marathon Monday started off as the quintessential running weather day. After a weekend of varying emotions at the crowded/overwhelming expo and my bib pick up, inspirational pre-race dinner with Tedy's Team and overall anxiety and an accidentally yellow spray painted singlet from letter writing mishap; I felt ready. Chris drove me out to meet my team in Hopkinton and the same time all the yellow buses were filling the mass pike with runners heading out to the athletic village. It was quite the sight; so much energy in the air!

I was calmer than I thought I would be. I said a much quicker/less anxiety filled goodbye to Chris than I expected and headed on in to sit for 3+ hours with my team. Snacks were had, letters were drawn on singlets and bodies and overall it was a nice atmosphere full of support and jokes about the pain we were all going to put ourselves through in these 26.2 miles. We all got excited when Tedy Bruschi showed up with his son to give us support and pump us up. We took so many team photos and before you knew it, we were headed down to get to the start line. As we entered the crowd fenced lined street (Tedy just pulled back a part of the fence to let us in) he gave each one of us a hug and wished us luck. I felt ready.

We got into corral 5 and it was amazing to see how many people came out to witness the start. It was announced that in Wave 3 (which is where the majority of the charity runners are placed) we raised over 11 Million Dollars all together for our respective charities. Woah! And then, quicker than I expected, we were off! I remember getting this crazy feeling when we started. There were TVs everywhere, so much crowd support-HOLY CRAP I WAS RUNNING THE BOSTON MARATHON!

I tried so hard to keep my pace steady. My 5k and 10k split were in 2 seconds of each other but I soon realized...something wasn't quite right. I told myself I would get over it and chugged through. I forgot I wrote my name on my arms and it was amazing having kids yell your name out as you ran by. There were some funny sights along the way as well. Like a crowded biker bar whose patrons were outside cheering in their own way and this crazy drunken house in Framingham where you could smell the booze from the road. The crowds were unreal. I saw Chris at the 6k mark and then K& C in Natick! I knew I was only going to be seeing more and more people I knew as the race went on!

I reached the half marathon point and I just started feeling worse and worse. What was going on! My training runs went so well! I also noticed my hands were FREEZING and when they freeze they just ache and are quite painful. I trudged on and asked a med tent for gloves. No dice. I then realized there might be a slim chance someone may not have shredded all their layers yet and I might find one on the road to pick up. What do you know, I ended up seeing a little black glove in the middle of the road. I excitedly picked it up thinking I could trade it between hands and then I saw the other one! Gloves acquired!! I thought all my woes were over...and then right between Wellesley Center and Newton Lower Falls I bonked real hard. I was just so overwhelmed that I was actually running the Boston Marathon (my dream), people were tracking me and I wasn't doing so great all of a sudden. In the back of my mind, I knew there was no way I wasn't going to finish - even if I had to walk/crawl the rest of the race.

All of a sudden I felt these arms come around me from behind and a familiar voice say, "what's wrong sweetie?!" LB! (aka Tri-sherpa) She took one look at me and the goose bumps on my arms and told me I was very dehydrated. She gave me a salt tablet and told me I needed to drink more asap. I told her I thought I was having a panic attack, I was so nervous and I felt my throat closing. We walked together and she made me feel so much better. My mind was with my family and Chris who were waiting for me at the Newton Fire Station. I know they were worrying about me because I was off my pace and I knew they were concerned they hadn't seen me yet. I finally saw them and LB told me to go over and hug them. They looked horrified. I told them all it was ok, I was ok, I just was struggling but LB saved me, I was feeling better and please don't worry. Chris didn't say a word. I had to run off and I felt so bad. I knew they were so worried! Mile by mile, stride by stride next to LB I felt better and better. When I finally saw my Aunt and her cute kids with a sign close to the base of Heartbreak Hill, I was feeling so much better. She ran out in the road with me and I told her (I knew she had talk to my Mom) to please tell my Mom I'm ok, I'm doing better! She was so sweet and cheered us on as we went on to Heartbreak Hill. It was rough, lots of walking but we were in good spirits and I even sang to this random man to keep him entertained. One of LB's friends jumped in with us and we continued trotting along, so close! I was then alerted that apparently my thighs were bleeding. Oops! Didn't even noticed that one. Apparently my new running shorts (I know, I know, nothing new on race day) had an annoying hem line that my legs didn't like too much. O well, they gave me vaseline and I just keeping trucking. Mile 20!

I had a realization during the Marathon that your first Marathon (and maybe even your 2nd, 3rd, 4th...) isn't about time. It's about supporting one another, enjoying being part of an amazing atmosphere where random people cheer for you and want you to accomplish an impressive task. Consider it as your victory lap for all the hardwork you put in training in the cold weather and fundraising for several months! I also realized (even though so many people had told me already) the Boston Marathon is a very hard first Marathon to run!

Around BC and into Cleveland circle we go. And then...around Mile 22...something wasn't right. The crowds were much less thick than I was expecting. My phone was on airplane mode the whole time but all of a sudden LB's phone rang and she answered it. I saw the look on her face just melt and we were all just confused as to what news could she have heard. Her friend was asking if she was ok and said two explosions went off at the finish line. Umm what? Our other friend who jumped into run with us tried to google/call but we couldn't find any info out. I began to think what could be up. Explosions? That's probably just a generic term for a sparkler or a man hole cover popping up due to steam pressure. Maybe it was something with the hordes of people taking the T. I was really convinced that the use of the word explosion was just an exaggeration for something smoking or popping. We asked around and it seemed like others had heard something happened but no one got hurt. I then asked a National Guard what happened and she said, "It's better if you don't know." Umm what? That's not helpful!

All I remember thinking was that I just had to get there. We were so close! I was almost at Mile 24! I mean, we were all still running, no one said anything to us so what was everyone talking about? A rush of several cop cars came speeding by and we saw helicopters up in the sky. What was going on? The only thought in my mind was just to get there. There is was nothing I could do from Brookline, everyone and my stuff was waiting for me in Boston and I just needed to get there. I saw a group of my college friends with an awesome poster of me pass by. They were leaving the finish line? Walking back? I figured they just made spectators leave but runners would still more than likely be able to just cross.

"CATTTTTTTT!" I heard screaming from the side and all of a sudden I see the two smiling faces of my childhood friends B & M come excitedly jumping in with me from the sidelines. They cheered me on and told me what a great job I was doing and that I was almost there. O ok, we are still running a race! I nervously chatted about what I bad race I had, how I heard something was up but I was so close so hopefully I can just finished...yada yada yada... I asked if they knew what was going on. They seemed to know just as much as me, there was some sort of "explosion" at the finish but no cell phones were working and no one knew much else. O ok, so maybe it's not that bad. I ran a mile with them switching emotions between joy I was almost there and then fear maybe something was really up. I saw a huge group in front of me and I also saw the Mile 25 maker. Were they diverting us? Extra security?

I then ran into a row of state troopers who informed me, "The Race has been canceled."

WHAT? How does a Marathon get canceled? The BOSTON Marathon?!

I'll admit, I was mad. I burst into tears immediately. I tried to keep running in a different direction until I saw 26.2 on my garmin (we were told to stop). My friends (thank god they were with me) just held me as I sobbed and sobbed. It just didn't make any sense. Who would take away my dream like that? The dreams of thousands of runners? At Mile 25, I'm so freakin close! WHAT THE HECK WAS GOING ON?

As I stood among a huge a group of tired/confused runners, my two friends holding me as I'm crying the hardest I think I have ever cried in the last 10 years; two women came by and put blankets around me. They said they were at the Sox game and were heading back.

The rest of my memories are all sort of mushed together. It felt like everything I was looking frantically around at had its colors just running together like paint on a canvas. I remember asking a race official if I could get to the Lenox because that's where my bag was. He said all hotels were closed. I was able to talk to Chris before and I knew they were ok and were on their way to meet my sister at the finish line (she works right on Boylston.). I figured it was time to give them a call and meet up. There was a huge line of runners in the middle of Comm ave in the walkway part waiting to board buses. We were getting pushed left and found our way on a street. Chris and crew said they met up with my sister and were headed towards me. I slumped myself on the steps of this apt and just waited. My friends were amazing and waited with me and just tried to keep me calm.

I looked up to see what street we were on: Hereford.

I couldn't believe it. For those that don't know, the last directions of the Boston Marathon course is, Right on Hereford, left on Boylston.  Turns out that was the street I turned left down to wait to be reunited with my family. I also knew my Mom was holding my Marathon jacket and the T-shirt I so desperately wanted to earn that read: Right on Hereford, left on Boylston. I remember all of our training runs that went right by Hereford Street and I would always eagerly look down, so excited for the day when I would finally turn down it. It just wasn't right.

My phone was going off at maddening rate with texts/phone calls/fbook messages but I just sitting there unable to move or react. After a run in with a not-so-helpful cop, Chris finally found me and I just hugged him and cried some more. They were able to grab a tin foil blanket for me and wrapped me in it with my arms tied in it. My Mom tried to give me my Marathon jacket and I just shrugged it off. I couldn't have it, I didn't go the full distance. Then they briefly told me what happened. My sister said she was holding a spot for everyone at the finish line and got knocked over and her leg hurt. The explosions were bombs.

What. Bombs? At a Marathon? My sister was right there? It just didn't make sense. How bad was it? They told me they thought people were killed.

I felt so guilty for my former feelings about being mad I didn't get to finish. I felt guilty I begged my family to all be at the finish line to cheer me on. I felt guilty my sister got hurt. What was the reason this madness that had just occurred? What does someone have against a Marathon?

The cops were yelling at everyone and we knew we needed to get out the there. We really had no other option than to put 6 people in Chris' 4 person BMW coupe. Chris asked if I wanted to be carried or have him bring the car around. I said I just needed to walk. I felt like the last hours and 25 miles of my life didn't happen. None of that mattered any more.

As we were walking, I happened to see a member of Tedy's Team standing on a corner with her Mom waiting for the rest of her family. We both gave each other this sad acknowledgement, she didn't get to finish either. We both asked if the other one's loved ones were ok and they were. We continued the mile walk to the car. Along the way, a random girl offered me a gatorade she got for her friend but her friend didn't want it. All of these random acts of kindness toward me were very appreciated but I just had this overall numb feeling that was consuming me.

We all went back to my house and I said I just wanted to be around everyone. We ordered pizzas and everyone was glued to the news.

And then my family told me they were so happy I had a bad race. I didn't realize that had I been running at my normal pace, I would have been right there. I also didn't realize that me struggling so much in Wellesley delayed my family from leaving the Newton Firehouse sooner to meet up with my sister. My family was only two blocks away when the bombs went off. It could have been so much worse.

My sister rolled up her jeans so she could inspect her leg. She had a series of nasty large bruises followed by some intense small ones of varying colors all over her leg. I didn't know what to say. I was so stunned and felt so guilty. I gave her a pair of my sweat pants and a bunch of ice packs. She inspected her jeans and found specs of some substances stuck to them. I don't want to try to imagine what it was. She seemed ok and tried to joke about what a great spot she was able to grab for everyone at the finish line. After watching the news footage (I really wanted to shut it off but I felt like I couldn't even move to say anything) and seeing those yellow balloons go up in the air, my sister noted that she remembered seeing them right near her. The thought just makes me shudder.

I still had all these messages pouring in but I just didn't know what to say. I put up a general fbook post, sent an email to my work and then just sat around with everyone. My Dad came to pick everyone up and my sister's friend came to get her. Everyone joked that they were so glad I had a bad race. I tried to edge out a smile.

I really just didn't know what to do. Chris had gotten me a cute alpaca headscarf thing to match my gloves and suggested we get ice cream (it makes everything better). The roomies and I met up with K&C at JP Licks. I was so thankful to be in their company and have their support. Greg came over and we all just sat, not really knowing how to put into words what we were feeling but glad to be in each others company. I went upstairs and found my Mom had left my Marathon congratulation gift on my bed. I just teared up and knew I couldn't open it yet.

I had the next day off and I spent most of the morning just sitting in Chris' apt while he worked just trying to wrap my head around everything. I put on my Marathon jacket because I realized it was no longer about finishing 26.2 miles, it was a symbol to honor everyone affected by yesterday's events. My Mom told me my sister went to the hospital to confirm she was ok and then invited me to go to lunch. She turned out to be ok and it felt really good to see her. Chris and I decided to go walk somewhere pretty and went to Castle Island. It was really windy and we ended up at our favorite Southie bar. I saw a girl walking in also wearing the Marathon jacket and I realized it was 3 girls from Tedy's Team! It was so relieving to see them in person. They had sent an email saying everyone on the team was ok but it just felt so good to see everyone in person. Another Tedy's Team member met up with us and we shared beers and stories and it felt good to be around them.

I went into work the next day and just wanted to hide. I didn't know what to say and I really didn't want to say anything at all. I just kept crying all the time and shaking inside. I knew I needed to get back into my normal swing of things, and despite the very kind offers telling me it was ok if I just wanted to go home, I stuck it out.

The next few days I just felt dead inside. I knew I wanted to be strong but it was so hard to wrap my head around reality. I kept waking up thinking it was all just a bad dream. A friend of mine suggested I go pick up my medal. She said it helped her feel better. I was skeptical but I figured it didn't hurt. I was able to pick up my finish line clothes from Tedy's Team (who has been amazing) and went to get my medal. The BAA has done a great job. I got my medal, petted the comfort dogs and felt a little better.

I also had a vacation coming up that Sunday. It was supposed to be a post-Marathon celebration vacation and a relief from all the training. At this point, I was just looking forward to being away from TVs, internet and sirens for awhile.

I woke up Friday to a similar noise from my phone like it was on the Marathon. I couldn't handle it. I ignored it. The noise persisted. What was going on now?! "Don't leave your house." Um what? We spent the whole day glued to the TV and scared to open our door. I just shook the whole day. I tried to distract myself with packing, it didn't go so well. I was just at that Watertown Target the night before buying sunscreen and now it was part of the headquarters for the operation. That area was a mile away from our house. The Black Hawks circled our house several times throughout the day and I just had a nauseous feeling in my stomach the whole time. Finally, later in the evening, it was "over." Some clarity had finally been shown in this turn of events. I felt relieved they had caught and identified the people responsible but still uneasy about what it all meant. 

Luckily in one short day I was off to Nicaragua with no TV/Phone/Internet/Sirens for a full week. It was exactly what I needed. Nights spent sleeping a mere few feet from the water and days filled with hiking/surfing/horseback riding/yoga activities.

I just got back on Sunday and I feel so much better. I feel able to take another step in the moving on process and finally publicly share my Marathon experience with this blog entry. I know it's going to take awhile to fully heal. If you haven't guessed yet, I'm all in to run it again next year.  Even more determined to race than I was this year. I'm aware I may spend this next year feeling incomplete until I'm finally given a second chance to achieve my dream.

This morning I also took a very important step: I laced up my running sneakers for the first time since the Marathon and went for a memorial run spelling out "Boston" with my Zoom Triathlon team. I ran by the spot on Hereford where I was waiting for my family that day and we finally ran down Boylston. I will also be running the last 5 miles of the Marathon course with Tedy's Team on Saturday.

Here is the map and what it looks like on my garmin:

This morning, we had a moment of silence at the Marathon Memorial and then, as LB and I held hands, we all ran across the finish.

There it is. I know it was a very long post and if you took time out of your day to read about my experience, I'm very flattered and appreciative.

Thank you to everyone who has reached out to me during this time, I'm sorry if I wasn't able to respond to your message but know that I read it and it meant a lot.

Boston, you're my City and my home. We are Boston United, Boston Strong.

-cat